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elrod817
Senior Member
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- Aug 28, 2011
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Here's an e-mail that I sent to some friends and family, thought you guys might enjoy it:
The first thing I do this morning, after rising and brushing my teeth, so really it's the third thing I do this morning, is take my beloved pup for a morning stroll. I'm admittedly still a little groggy from drowning my sorrows due to one of the worst officiating calls I've ever seen (which as a Lions fan, I've seen a lot). In fact despite having brushed my teeth I still catch faint hints of the Fireball shot that I did with some douche bag Cowboys fan that was at the bar. As I walk out the door, I'm not only trying to clear the cobwebs, but also take on a better attitude, after all it's only a football game, right? So I'm thinking to myself that it's a new year and I've got a lot of good things going. As I'm attempting to change my "Somebody Pissed in my Cheerios" mentality I see about a half a block up from me this little old lady limping up the street, not from injury, but from age. I say to myself "See Elrod...things aren't so bad, you're young, you can walk, and as Stuart Smalley always said 'Doggone it, people like you.'" As we get closer to this old lady Stack starts growling at her, now for those of you who don't know Stack she is a very mild mannered dog. Doesn't really bark much, doesn't get excited, and by all accounts is very friendly, so I'm a little taken aback that she's growling at this sweet, fragile, old woman. Little did I know that my dog is a great judge of character.
I'm dressed rather nondescript. Still in mourning, I refuse to wear anything Detroit related. I have on a Montreal Expos hat and an Eastern Michigan sweatshirt that simply says "Eastern" on it. I get Stack calmed down before this old woman even knows that Stack was growling at her. Being the friendly guy I am, I bid this woman a good morning. She smiles like I just made her day. A grin from ear to ear and a twinkle in her eye that sparkles more like she's 20 rather than 80-something. You know what this old bitch says to me? "How about them Cowboys, sonny!" I think to myself why did I calm my dog down? Being diplomatic and not wanting to argue with an old bat about the definition of defensive pass interference and how it's also illegal to run onto the field sans helmet. I simply say "Yup, it was quite a game." She grabs me by the arm and says "It wasn't just quite a game, it was WONDERFUL! Oh those Cowboys, how grand!" At this point Stack is holding ME back. I'm doing everything I can to get away from this woman before she needs some Super Poly-Grip to repair the dentures I'm about to damage. Not only is she a Cowboys fan, but she's continuously using stereotypical old people terms like "sonny" and "grand." I finally get away from this woman and would like to tell you that it all ended there, but no...not on this day....
As we continue our walk, I'm in the midst of crossing the street in a crosswalk. Some woman, not paying attention comes within a foot of hitting me with her car as I guess she felt it was okay to not stop before the crosswalk, but rather halfway in it. Being rather even-tempered, I look at the woman who is mortified as she knows I almost became a millionaire and/or severely disabled and just give her a friendly smile and nod like "hey it's cool, I'm fine, no worries." As my eyes drop from her face down to her car what do I spy? Ol' Speedy Gonzalez has a Dallas Cowboys vanity plate on her car.
The week can only get better from here...
The first thing I do this morning, after rising and brushing my teeth, so really it's the third thing I do this morning, is take my beloved pup for a morning stroll. I'm admittedly still a little groggy from drowning my sorrows due to one of the worst officiating calls I've ever seen (which as a Lions fan, I've seen a lot). In fact despite having brushed my teeth I still catch faint hints of the Fireball shot that I did with some douche bag Cowboys fan that was at the bar. As I walk out the door, I'm not only trying to clear the cobwebs, but also take on a better attitude, after all it's only a football game, right? So I'm thinking to myself that it's a new year and I've got a lot of good things going. As I'm attempting to change my "Somebody Pissed in my Cheerios" mentality I see about a half a block up from me this little old lady limping up the street, not from injury, but from age. I say to myself "See Elrod...things aren't so bad, you're young, you can walk, and as Stuart Smalley always said 'Doggone it, people like you.'" As we get closer to this old lady Stack starts growling at her, now for those of you who don't know Stack she is a very mild mannered dog. Doesn't really bark much, doesn't get excited, and by all accounts is very friendly, so I'm a little taken aback that she's growling at this sweet, fragile, old woman. Little did I know that my dog is a great judge of character.
I'm dressed rather nondescript. Still in mourning, I refuse to wear anything Detroit related. I have on a Montreal Expos hat and an Eastern Michigan sweatshirt that simply says "Eastern" on it. I get Stack calmed down before this old woman even knows that Stack was growling at her. Being the friendly guy I am, I bid this woman a good morning. She smiles like I just made her day. A grin from ear to ear and a twinkle in her eye that sparkles more like she's 20 rather than 80-something. You know what this old bitch says to me? "How about them Cowboys, sonny!" I think to myself why did I calm my dog down? Being diplomatic and not wanting to argue with an old bat about the definition of defensive pass interference and how it's also illegal to run onto the field sans helmet. I simply say "Yup, it was quite a game." She grabs me by the arm and says "It wasn't just quite a game, it was WONDERFUL! Oh those Cowboys, how grand!" At this point Stack is holding ME back. I'm doing everything I can to get away from this woman before she needs some Super Poly-Grip to repair the dentures I'm about to damage. Not only is she a Cowboys fan, but she's continuously using stereotypical old people terms like "sonny" and "grand." I finally get away from this woman and would like to tell you that it all ended there, but no...not on this day....
As we continue our walk, I'm in the midst of crossing the street in a crosswalk. Some woman, not paying attention comes within a foot of hitting me with her car as I guess she felt it was okay to not stop before the crosswalk, but rather halfway in it. Being rather even-tempered, I look at the woman who is mortified as she knows I almost became a millionaire and/or severely disabled and just give her a friendly smile and nod like "hey it's cool, I'm fine, no worries." As my eyes drop from her face down to her car what do I spy? Ol' Speedy Gonzalez has a Dallas Cowboys vanity plate on her car.
The week can only get better from here...
